All Blue

Before we got P-, my wife and I did a lot of research on golden retrievers. At the time, we wanted a female golden retriever because we thought they were more loyal.

But, somehow, we ended with P-, who was a male golden retriever. P- was a very confident golden retriever. He loved people and he knew that he was special.

Panorama View of Lake Tahoe

Panorama View of Lake Tahoe

Seven years ago, my wife and I were on vacation at our favorite spot. We stood at the beach and threw tennis balls into the lake. P- walked into the lake and retrieved the balls. Yes. P- walked into the lake and he would walk as far as the lake would let him before he started paddling.

P- walking along Lake Tahoe

P- walking along Lake Tahoe

During one of the throws, as P- swam back to shore, two girls spotted him as they walked along the beach. When they saw P-, they started taking pictures of him. When P- landed, they petted him and gave him tons of praise.

“What a gorgeous golden retriever.”

P-‘s response to praise is to put on a show. Sit. Shake. Sit pretty. Once it got to sit pretty, the compliments usually jump from “what a lovely dog” to genuine laughter and smiles.

When the girls stopped petting P-, we resumed our game. The girls continued walking along the beach. P- went and retrieved the ball. But when he swam back, he swam towards the direction of the girls.

P- smiling at Lake Tahoe

P- smiling at Lake Tahoe

My wife and I laughed. I said, “Maybe we should have gotten a female golden retriever after all.”

Sky over Rainbow Bridge

In the sky over Rainbow Bridge lays the realm of imagination. In the pastel blue sky, time and space are able to commingle so that the past, present, and future are no longer distinct points on a straight line.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. The truly special pet gets a bandanna, a lapel pin, flight lessons, and a plane. Soaring high over Rainbow Bridge, they fly around in circles chasing each other.

Sky over Rainbow Bridge

Sky over Rainbow Bridge

There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So each day they look down at Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes they land their plane because they want to chase their tails. Other times, they land because they want to play catch.

Until one day, they spot you on Rainbow Bridge. Throwing caution into the wind, they jump from their plane and land safely with their bandanna acting as a parachute. Their soft paws touch the lush green grass and they run towards you with their tail wagging in a dangerous coffee table clearing motion. Together again.

Heidi, is that you?

Ickey is one of those dogs that rarely ever barks, so when he does, it’s an unusual phenomenon.

Three days ago, as we were walking the dogs, a big cat flashes across someone’s front yard, only to quickly disappear into the foliage. Ickey lets out two booming barks, and goes into high alert – ears high, body tense and alert, and tail up in the air. He pulls on his leash and keeps scanning the neighborhood for that cat again. Ickey is not a dog that normally chases cats, so this is rare behavior for him.

The cat had very similar  coloring to Heidi – black fur mixed with patches of tan and white. We wondered if Ickey, who only has one good eye, thought that cat might have been his sister Heidi and thereby continued to search for her during our walk.

It was a bittersweet thought, as it reminded us of how much we all missed Heidi, but also reminded us how she was not forgotten and continued to live in our hearts.

Ickey, that cat unfortunately wasn’t your sister, but look deeply in your heart, and you will find her forever safe in there.

Heidi-Ickey_Backyard

Ickey and Heidi chewing tennis balls on a sunny day in the backyard, as Michelle waits for her opportunity to pounce

A butterfly kiss

After P and Heidi passed away, we’ve been much more aware of looking for signs that may let us know that they are in a safe and happy place now.

Today, as I was walking Ickey and Michelle, a small golden butterfly landed very briefly on the back of Ickey’s neck, then softly fluttered away. I imagined that that was a sign from our sweet Heidi girl, giving her much loved little brother a soft kiss before having to go.

Since Heidi’s passing, Ickey has been acting more tired and sad. I felt the butterfly kiss was Heidi’s way of letting him know that he is still loved and she is thinking of him.

Below is one of my favorite photos of Heidi and Ickey, taken on one of the best days of my life during a family road trip to Duck Creek, Utah. We found a beautiful clearing with a babbling brook running through a wide open field, and the dogs were so happy having new adventures. I remember telling myself at that time to savor this moment- to take in the peace, beauty, and wonder of this very special day. And I remember feeling incredibly blessed to be able to share that moment with my husband and our three musketeers. Thank you Heidi for being such a gift. You are much loved and much missed.

Heidi-Ickey_Duck-Creek

Ickey and Heidi at Duck Creek, Utah in 2012

Beautiful Day

Today was such a beautiful day. We took Ickey and Michelle to the park. The leaves were starting to fall. A constant reminder that life doesn’t stand still and that we should treasure each moment.

Ickey and Michelle at the Park

Ickey and Michelle at the Park

We purchased some flowers to remind ourselves of the dogs that are currently at Rainbow Bridge.

Flowers for Heidi & P-

Flowers for Heidi & P-

Heidi is a wild flower. P- is a golden snapdragon.

What flower would Michelle be? That’s an easy one — a giant sunflower because she always wanted to be bigger and stronger than Heidi.